Clearing Up Those “Blurred Lines”

“I hate these blurred lines.” Robin Thicke certainly gets this point across in his new hit song, appropriately titled, “Blurred Lines.”

The song has been quite the rage since its July 30th debut and quickly climbed the charts to #1 within its first week. But once people started dancing, the question eventually popped up, “Hey, what is he talking about?” And thus began the controversy about the lyrics, the video, and what it all means in terms of the relationship between men and women.

There seem to be two major criticisms buzzing around; one, that the song exploits women and, two, that it is “rape-y.” While it is hard to deny that the song is exploitative–the uncensored video involves women traipsing around naked while Thicke and his cohorts are fully dressed–the argument that the song is about rape is a gross overreaction.

The “rape-y” argument suggests that the lyric “I know you want it” promotes the notion that “no” really means “yes” in regards to a woman consenting to sex. This is simply not the case. Thicke is very clearly referring to being in a club (or anywhere where men and woman are doing their mating dance) and feeling like he is getting mixed signals–“blurred lines”–from the woman that he is flirting with.

The lyric that follows, “but you’re a good girl,” conveys a common theme for women’s sexuality. A “bad girl” expresses her sexuality and is aggressive about seeking out sexual experiences while a “good girl” abstains from sex to maintain her purity.

Along with its popularity, the song touches on a deeper underlying issue in our culture about the state of our sexual expression.

In a few words, it sums up the essence–and dysfunction–of the way men and women are taught about sexuality. Why can’t a woman “want it” and also be a “good girl?” In today’s society, both in America and around the world, men are generally heralded for their sexual prowess while women are vilified. For example, when a teenage boy wants to have sex for the first time, he may tell his father who gives him a pat on the back, a condom and tells him to go have fun. It is a sign that the boy is entering into manhood.

On the other hand, when a teenage girl has sex, she will often keep it a secret out of shame and embarrassment. She may be considered to be impure or slutty. So, for a woman, being “good” is clearly to abstain from sex and sexual expression. Who exactly are the boys supposed to be having sex with if the girls are taught that sex is wrong? Well, those very same girls.

Therefore, a girl must be “bad” in order for it to be okay that she is having sex. And thus the struggle – the “Blurred Lines” – begins, leading to a lot of frustration from the male perspective and a lot of guilt and confliction from the female side. To clear these “blurred lines” we suggest to bring more consciousness and understanding to sexual energy, or “Sexual Life Force Energy” (SLFE).

SLFE is the spark of all life; it’s how we got here. It’s the life force in all that is alive–humans, animals, and plants–to procreate and perpetuate existence. It’s sex, orgasm, and yes, it is the energy that fuels creating anything and everything from our evening meal to a great piece of art. It then seems absurd that this energy should be anything but celebrated.

Humans have the unique capacity to become aware of and ultimately guide their SLFE. Unlike animals, we are not bound by instinct and being in heat–though we are of the same biological make-up. Rather, we are able to choose how we use our SLFE.

The more we can become aware, the more we can see that this energy is available to us not just when we are having sex, but in all we do.

It can be used to create whatever we want to bring into our lives such as good health, well-being, fulfilling relationships, endeavors, and careers.

Anything that is creative and joyful stems from SLFE. However, we are not often conscious of this choice.

We act on autopilot and follow our desires and impulses or act out our conditioned stories (“good girl/bad girl”) instead of tapping into our creative power.

However, with awareness and practice, we can learn to reconnect consciously with our SLFE. Through this understanding, men and women can come into balance within themselves and then with one another. Here is what will help us to cultivate the true celebration of that sexual life force energy:

  • For men, it’s learning to sustain that precious energy through breath and energy practices that allow for integrating their sexual with their heart energy. By practicing mastery, frustration will dwindle as the “need” to have sex will be less consuming and avails play, joy, and presence.
  • For women, reawakening their feminine energy is key to restoring balance and experiencing joy. Through breath and energy work she can start to rekindle the SLFE spark that had been dimmed from early negative messages.

Bringing consciousness to her body, heart and spirit allow her to shift to seeing sexual energy as GOOD and that sex, consciously chosen, is wonderful and enlivening. The guilt and inner conflict will begin to fade.

By taking one moment at a time and bringing awareness to sexual energy as it arises, one can practice enjoying each experience of sexual expression, in whatever form it takes (flirting, hugging, kissing, touching….) without attachment to an end goal.

Then the choice to have sex becomes a conscious decision, which ultimately leads to better orgasms and deeper connection with oneself and another.

To learn more about these practices by going to

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