Much has been written about Tiger Woods – ranging from psychological analysis to speculation to moralistic assessment.
Blame has been placed: It was Tiger’s fault; the mistresses were seductresses or his wife was the victim. Who was the predator or the prey? Tiger is from Mars, Elin is from Venus. The question I’d like to pose is: What can we learn about our cultural conditioning regarding marriage, love, intimacy, fulfillment, happiness ….that is not unique to Tiger and his relationships but rather plays out as an archetypal structure of the human evolution.
Looking from the view of Quantum physics, where particles (or people) are electromagnetically interconnected, we could say that participants within a certain system like relationships, families, communities, organizations, etc., are interconnected. Nothing happens in isolation.
Translating this into Tiger’s situation – the interconnections between all players becomes apparent: Each of them played their role according to their consciousness. The level of consciousness has to do with what we see or don’t see about ourselves. The less I see about myself the more unconscious I am. The most immediate test for identifying the level of one’s consciousness lies in the observation of the results one’s actions and behaviors produce. When breakdowns and suffering show up in our relationship(s) we know that those are indicators of unconsciousness.
So, how can we shift from unconsciousness (blindness about oneself) to consciousness? I call this form of blindness in relationship living in an illusion.
One core illusion in the relational context is driven by a desire for being loved, approved of, or feeling satisfied. There is a sense of need or a needy feeling. The expectation is that the fulfillment of the desires is attained through someone, something or some circumstance. As long as the illusion remains obscured and unexamined the chase for fulfilling the desire sustains. Moments of excitement and high might be experienced in a fleeting way yet lasting happiness, joy and intimacy are unattainable.
However, there is no cheese down that tunnel. Fulfillment in sex, intimacy, love, relationship or marriage is not available through another or a circumstance. Fulfillment resides within – and that’s the re-discovery for us as human beings.
This re-discovery of an original state of being will open the possibility for bliss. And this bliss can then be shared with another versus longed for to be sourced by another.
The Tiger phenomenon is a reminder for where we are in our human evolution and a call to examine the illusions each of us might live in. We choose to what extent we are ready and willing to evolve. Frequently the reaching of a critical point of pain is the wake-up call overriding the long held need for secrecy or pretense.
The signal could be the SUV hitting the fire hydrant in the early morning hours, the discovery of voice messages or finding out not to not be the only mistress. Upon the wake-up call, all players – husband, wife and mistresses – have now a tremendous opportunity to evolve themselves according to their wish for consciousness and level of self-generated fulfillment they aspire towards.
As a consequence of stepping out of illusion into consciousness, suffering within oneself and in relationship diminishes and ultimately disappears.
Dr. Elsbeth Meuth is an internationally renowned seminar leader, intimacy expert and relationship coach. She co-produced the best-selling DVD series Creating Intimacy & Love Creating Intimacy & Love., and is the co-founder and director of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago.
Over the last decade she has assisted hundreds of couples and singles expand their intimate and love life. She and her partner were featured on Showtime’s documentary Sexual Healing.
To learn more about creating lasting intimacy go to www.tantranova.com