The Keys to Consciousness in Relationship
Our physical-sexual as well as our emotional being are impulse-based. All of us come in with sexual energy. It's a central part of our makeup. The ingredients of sexual energy are pleasure and creativity. It's built into us. Unless we become conscious of and master our sexual energy, sexual energy masters us. Some people are obsessed with it others are suppressed by it. Just two sides of the same coin.
Impulse versus choice
Key 1 The biological aspect of sexual energy
- For men, sexual energy is based in testosterone, the quick hormone
- For women, sexual energy is based in estrogen, the slow hormone
- Desire and arousal are a reflex and we can learn to master the reflex
Key 2: The biological aspect of emotional energy
- When we get angry we don't decide to get angry. The anger impulse comes over us while the adrenal shoots up.
- Unless I bring consciousness to my emotionality the anger has me, I don't have the anger.
Now, how about bringing awareness and consciousness to the dimensions of the sexual and emotional self.
Here is an example to illustrate what we mean by bringing awareness to our impulsive emotional self.
Jealousy is based in needing to have the exclusive attention by another. This implies I can only feel myself, be complete and whole when I have this exclusive attention. We call this neediness where I don't experience myself as being whole within. I don’t feel I’m love, loving and being loved already. By the way, this cannot be gotten intellectually. It's an experience that is really a matter of maturing in life. It has to do with tapping into where the neediness may come from like childhood experiences and decisions we made in order to cope.
Once we clear the sense of neediness and incompleteness within ourselves and start experiencing wholeness and oneness within, we can see not only ourselves as whole and complete, yet see the other person as whole and complete within themselves independently from myself. There is no need for each other any longer. We can choose to share our love and resources with one another and others. It will not injure my wholeness. That is where jealousy decreases and subsides.
Now back to sexual energy: As long as we are on this planet, this sexual life force is ever present most of the time in a subtle state and then at times in aroused states. There is a graduation from subtle to highly aroused energy. We can learn to move life force energy and channel it in subtle or arouse states.
Consciously channeling and circulating aroused sexual energy allows us to experience prolonged states of orgasmic bliss and waves without consummating in either solo or partner practice. This state of being enlivens and imbues our emotional, mental and spiritual self.
Ultimately we can channel that energy to connect with the universe or bring into manifestation our dreams. After all sexual energy is creative … so we can use that energy to turbocharge what we want to realize.
Becoming conscious and aware of our life force or sexual energy is a key component of the tantric practice. Now we never go right away to aroused sexual energy in the practices because if we were to do that, we wouldn't change anything. The body is conditioned, as is the nervous system in terms of how this sexual energy expresses itself in oneself or with a partner.
The sexual practices that we are used to were appropriated most likely when we were children and teenagers and our nervous system got used to those imprints. Then we start mating and we are bringing what we appropriated early on to our relationships without self-reflection. It’s all automatic.
In order to bring about a new consciousness, we want to engage with our life force in a deliberate way starting with subtle energy. That allows us to tap into the different dimensions of our being and become more aware of ourselves so when the nervous system is reconditioned, so to speak, we can actually move aroused energy throughout the body, throughout the being, imbuing our love self, imbuing our speaking self, like speaking our truth, imbuing our consciousness and spiritual self.
Then we can use this wonderful energy to really make us more conscious…. and then bringing this consciousness into union with a beloved.
Learning to channel and master our sexual and emotional energies is at the core of CREATING intimacy and love consciously versus just FALLING into it.